Honesty In Marriage

1 Peter 3:1-4 “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”

This passage describes subjection to her husband as a fundamental responsibility of the married woman. The wife is to submit to the authority of her husband not to men in general. This does not mean the wife is by nature inferior to the husband. In marriage two people become one through the joining of their intellects their emotions and their wills and bodies. To keep their special union from fracturing and destroying itself, one member is charged to lead and one to submit.

The wife’s submission to her husband is her adorning which makes her absolutely beautiful. The inner beauty is of great value in God’s sight. The believing women of the Old Testament who hoped to be the human channel of the Messiah to come into the world made themselves beautiful by being in subjection to their own husbands.

The head covering I have already written about is just legalistic if we don’t truly obey our husbands. It needs to be more than an adornment it needs our hearts to be right.

Obedience to a husband even a godly and kind man like RTB is the thing I have struggled with the most as I suspect most women do. We constantly need God’s help in this we ask and receive. We are brought up in this time and age to be rebellious against men. Most media nowadays downplays men’s roles and too often portrays them as incompetent and stupid. Modern man needs to learn to step into his Godly role and will only do so if encouraged by us. We need to trust our husbands and trust God when things go wrong. If we cannot obey our husbands how will we ever obey God.

The amount of women in rebellion against their husbands is frightening and very sad. I personally know of women who have been asked by their husbands to stop doing certain practises (yoga) and yet they continue. Even to the extent that pastors have become involved and still they persist. What example is this to other women?

I have also met women who openly admit to lying to their husbands about what they spend. It seems we are all guilty  and it needs to stop. I no longer buy lipstick which used to be my hidden sin. I always told RTB afterwards but that’s not the point. I reasoned it was only a small amount of money and relied on his good nature for forgiveness. I needed to ask, if he is in charge of finances which he is then he needs to know where the finances are spent. RTB gives me a budget for the housekeeping and I ensure we have the food and household items for the coming week. Also as women we feel we deserve the odd treat; men don’t do this or at least mine doesn’t. He discusses any purchases with me and I should respect him by doing the same.

In church I remember having a conversation with an Elders wife who openly admitted to lying to her husband about her purchases. I was shocked. She was even quite proud of the fact and not even in the least ashamed. Women fail to understand lying to one’s husband about anything is completely and utterly unacceptable. What starts as small lies multiplies and leads to bigger sins such as adultery. You may think I am exaggerating but through personal experience I know. In my first marriage we both lied to each other and all trust and respect died. If you start texting a man who is not your husband, if you would not show your husband the text don’t send it. Contrary to popular belief nowadays there is no such thing as a male friend unless he is you husband. Try flirting with your own husband instead.

I would sooner lie to RTB as to cut off my right hand. Once the fragile element of trust is gone everything breaks down. A small lie is as great a sin as a big lie trust once broken can never be repaired. There is a joy experienced like no other when you truly become honest with each other. You share everything this is when secular people use the word soulmate, it is such a special bond.

So women think about your relationship with your husband and do you lie to him? Deceive him on how much you spend? If so ask yourself why? God expects us to not lie and deceive anyone.

It will change your relationship with your husband enormously and you will no longer feel condemned.


3 thoughts on “Honesty In Marriage

  1. Amen.
    Some other people treat a woman’s submission as if the Bible told the husband to control the woman. The woman is to yield to a selfless man who is not controlling, but loves her as Christ loved the church. Headship also does not cancel out the golden rule. If anything the husband should lead by example in the golden rule. He’s to be a pioneer of righteousness.

    This means he sets righteous examples and will certainly address her lovingly when she is doing wrong. But there is no control. Being selfless means if it is not a matter of right or wrong, he doesn’t get to push his way when they do not agree.

    He is supposed to be selfless, but I feel like certain aspects of headship are ignored. Headship is the greater sacrifice. The woman is simply told to submit to this man who has a greater responsibility and is supposed to be laying his life down in his actions toward her.

    The command to husbands is to love wife as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it. He is to wash her in the word. He cannot do that if he’s controlling, because God is not controlling. He cannot do that if he is selfish at all, because God is not selfish. He also cannot effectively do this if he treats her as a child.

    He needs to submit to Jesus Christ and allow God to show him how to love. A lot of even so called Christian men are not submitted to God and do not fear God. They just kind of do their own thing and provide materially for their wife and call that love.

    The husband needs to understand that wife is an equal in that she is an heir together of the grace of life and a daughter of God. She’s equally in the image of God but has a different role. She’s not his daughter and he’s not to view her that way or treat her that way, but she is an adult.

    God has given her insight, wisdom, and talent as his helpmeet, and a man is not to stunt that for fear that she will “outdo” him or fear she is competition. Some men just try to take over and hijack what God is doing in the women and through the women because they have a control problem because they live off of fear and feelings of inadequacy.

    How on earth could a man think he can hijack the husband-wife design and take over himself and do what he wants with it? Both husband and wife are to obey the commands in The Bible. Some men seem to forget it, but it is all about God, not about the man. Not about the woman. Men and women should remember that they are doing what they do to obey and glorify God.

    Some men have so many issues in their flesh and feel so inadequate that they like to treat the husband and wife relationship as parent/child. That has nothing to do with it and completely distorts the picture of Jesus Christ and the church that the husband and wife are supposed to display.

    I do appreciate when I see posts encouraging women to step into their God-given callings.

    1. Thanks for your insight on this subject.

      Could I add this to my post.

      Blessings Sarah

      1. Yes, indeed. By all means, add it to your post if you want. Thank you. Stay blessed.

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